It has been years since I got diagnosed with abandonment issues. I thought it was just normal to have this overwhelming fear of trusting someone. But over time, I realized that I was having a hard time dealing with mental and emotional struggles. My condition was the reason why I distrust people so easily. I have this mentality that they would eventually abandon me once I am no longer useful to them.
I believed I got this mental health issue when I was a kid. You see, I am an orphan, and unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to get to know my parents. As a result, all the anxiety and depression I experienced during my childhood and teenage years up until my mid-adulthood life were all in vain. Though I tried to tell myself that I am okay, the traumatic experience still haunts me. And that’s what brought me to these unsettled abandonment issues, which manifest into particular unhealthy behaviors. If you think you have experienced these signs and behaviors, please schedule a counseling session immediately.
The Struggle With Insecurities
I fear that when people find something unattractive about me or do not think that I am talented enough, they will leave me right off the bat. I have this anxiety over neglect that I often struggle with severe insecurities. As far as I can recall, I am fearful and worried about people’s negative comments about me because, as much as possible, I intend to become perfect for the sake of their companionship. The internalized emotional trauma I am dealing with is something I believed to be my fault. That explains why I have very low self-esteem. And even if there are good people who would comment positive things about me, I would still doubt their beautiful words. Thus, I know that my mental and emotional health is unstable, and I always need constant reassurance.
Always A People’s Pleaser
As an individual who apparently lived his whole life in dread, I always make sure that people can’t see through my sorrows and loneliness. And since I am afraid to live with myself again, I ensure everything is to please them. As much as possible, I always try and win these people’s expectations only to give me a space in their lives. I make sure that the relationship I have with others always works, so I am always more than willing to put their needs ahead of mine. I need them to stay with me so I won’t have to be alone. So if I can have all the chance I can to please them, do everything for them, and gain their approval, I always take that as a top priority.
It’s Hard To Trust People
With this particular abandonment issue, I find it hard to trust other people. I became the type of person who constantly seeks proof and somehow forces people to commit to their words and promises. It is as if I want to be in control of any relationship. Sometimes, even if there is nothing to doubt, my fear would tell me that the people I currently hang out with will soon betray me. In certain instances where I somehow couldn’t reach them or felt like they were living their lives without me, I became so suspicious that I thought they were only making believable excuses to avoid me being around. I often feel unreasonably jealous of others because they can still have happy moments in their lives even if I am not part of any of those.
Afraid Of Vulnerability
Honestly, I always feel uncomfortable whenever I have to tell someone how I feel. It makes me think that my vulnerability will only open doors for these people to take advantage of me. My deep fear of abandonment reflects how willing I am to engage in a new relationship with other individuals. I usually end up sabotaging my healthy relationships because I unnoticingly shove people away just as I start to love and care for them. My abandonment issue flares up my fear of vulnerability which brings a lot of struggle with stronger and longer commitments. At times, I find myself detaching from people I already care for because I wouldn’t like it if they tend to leave me first before I could. Thus, I look for reasons to run off before they could do that and hurt me.
I often use the “I have been hurt in the past” phrase that led other people to feel guilty for leaving me. I know it’s a bad idea because no one benefits from that, including me. But, if you are something or more like me that cling to these mentalities, it could mean you might also have some unresolved abandonment issues.